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But I’ve never moved past the memories, and I wonder whether you, despite your silence for nearly two years, ever draw on those memories and allow them to come to the surface. Or perhaps they are buried so deeply, that it is as though I never existed in your life. Memories. That’s what I am going through today. On that anniversary of our last time. And instead of dwelling on the loss of love, I’ve been trying to remember where we fucked. Different places that all had meaning at the time. Sometimes the meaning was simply that we were both horny and we just fucked where we were. Sometimes the meaning was that we knew we would be together and the time was planned and special. Every time we fucked – all those times were special. To me, at least. I remember the first time. In your basement. One week after we first crossed the line into intimacy, emotional at least but ending in a hug, and in that ensuing week we exchanged many words and made many plans, until it was agreed I would come. I had to pull over for a few minutes. I couldn't see to drive for the tears.I wiped my eyes, and started up and eventually pulled into my parking space.I decided to be practical. I started with the nitty-gritty details. Save the big picture stuff for later, I thought. I made a checklist.I went online with my bank and set up new accounts for myself. I took half of everything in my joint accounts with Carole and moved it to my new savings account. I liquidated all our joint CDs and split the money 50-50. It cost us some money in early termination penalties, but I really didn't give a fuck, and Carole wasn't there to protest. Fuck her!Check.Our investment brokerage had 24/7 online customer service. The computer took my orders to sell our joint portfolio, but balked at my request for expedited service. The weekend guy emailed me to call him to verify. So I called the number he gave me and told him the basics of what I was doing. I also told him why.He invoked the 72-hour cooling off.
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